For me, it’s a beautiful undertaking to study grief care and provide direct support to those facing loss. It’s been a different sort of challenge, though, to live grief while immersed in the field.
But that’s what fate had in mind.
Back in early February, I was finishing my manuscript and arranging the first print run of Kindred Grief Care—a community grief care guidebook I wrote for neighbors, colleagues, and friends seeking skillful approaches, knowledge, and increased confidence to step up when others are down. Simultaneously, my father’s health began to decline.
Within a few short weeks, a major beginning and ending occurred simultaneously. Five hundred copies of my brand new publication arrived on the very same day my dad took his last breath. It was a heavy full-circle moment. Happiness alongside heartache.
Grief is a part of life—challenging and unbidden as it is.
I wondered, though, would my words hold up against this loss? Would my book stand the test of grief? Beyond theory and the lessons I’ve learned as a witness and companion, what’s included in the chapters resonates with my actual experience. Here’s some of what I’ve found to be true.
- Loss, at least initially, can feel more like an idea than a reality. Integration isn’t a checkpoint; it’s a journey. Grieving is a learning process, involving gentle reminders, patience, and time for our brains to incorporate a profound change.
- Losing a significant figure, like a parent, can be destabilizing. Even if you’re a highly functional adult. Even if you shared a healthy connection. Even if you were estranged and didn’t “need” them.
- Mourning can be messy. I find myself grieving what was, what wasn’t, and what will never have the chance to be. I sometimes reminisce and celebrate the good memories. Other times, I lament the difficulties. I trust it’s all part of it.
Our lives are changed by the losses that hold meaning. And healing is possible–not in the sense of returning to life as it was before, but in the brave willingness to reflect, evolve, and gradually open to newness–new ways, new ideas, new roles, and new opportunities for awe and connection. All while holding onto blessings from the past.
To learn more about the guidebook, visit: https://francescalynnarnoldy.com/kindredgriefcare/
Francesca Lynn Arnoldy 