For me, it’s a beautiful undertaking to study grief care and provide direct support to those facing loss. It’s been a different sort of challenge, though, to live grief while immersed in the field.
But that’s what fate had in mind.
Back in early February, I was finishing my manuscript and arranging the first print run of Kindred Grief Care—a community grief care guidebook I wrote for neighbors, colleagues, and friends seeking skillful approaches, knowledge, and increased confidence to step up when others are down. Simultaneously, my father’s health began to decline.
Within a few short weeks, a major beginning and ending occurred simultaneously. Five hundred copies of my brand new publication arrived on the very same day my dad took his last breath. It was a heavy full-circle moment. Happiness alongside heartache.
Grief is a part of life—challenging and unbidden as it is.
I wondered, though, would my words hold up against this loss? Would my book stand the test of grief? Beyond theory and the lessons I’ve learned as a witness and companion, what’s included in the chapters resonates with my actual experience. Here’s some of what I’ve found to be true.
- Loss, at least initially, can feel more like an idea than a reality. Integration isn’t a checkpoint; it’s a journey. Grieving is a learning process, involving gentle reminders, patience, and time for our brains to incorporate profound change.
- Losing a significant figure, like a parent, can be destabilizing. Even if you’re a highly functional adult. Even if you shared a healthy connection. Even if you were estranged and didn’t “need” them.
- Mourning can be messy. I find myself mourning what was, what wasn’t, and what will never have the chance to be. I sometimes reminisce and celebrate the good memories. Other times, I lament the difficulties. I trust it’s all part of it.
Our lives are changed by the losses that hold meaning. Compassionate support is beneficial. And healing is ever-available.
To learn more about the guidebook, visit: https://francescalynnarnoldy.com/kindredgriefcare/
Francesca Lynn Arnoldy 