Harmonically Ours

To know him was to know connection. Bob “Hoff” Hoffman was a brilliant bundle of energy. He lived zestfully and died prepared.

Hoff first reached out to me in 2019 after attending one of my death literacy events. We met for coffee and became fast friends. Always a supporter of my work and books, he kept in contact whether he was in DC or Vermont. When my first picture book was coming out, he asked for an autographed copy in true Hoff style:

Perhaps something like this might work best for all of my books:
“Hoff you are the most interesting student of end of life issues the world has ever seen, and I know that you will make good use of this book with all of the grandchildren in your life, and the grandchildren of your friends too, and you will probably claim that you were the inspiration for this book, but that is not true, because I am saving that for my next book.”
Your most loyal and dedicated fan for many years,
Francesca
OR
perhaps just your signature might work, too.

Harmonically yours,
Hoff

At the summertime Farmers Market in Burlington, he showcased his incredible collection of artisan, custom harmonica cases. The last time I visited him there, he gave my daughter a story-filled tour of his favorite pieces and, of course, played her a song. He showed me how he kept extra copies of my picture book to gift to grandparents who stopped by.

As I found out at his (second) memorial service, Hoff was kindred to many. He had endless circles–folk singers, contra dancers, mahjong card players, healers, artists, AARP employees and volunteers, and his beloved family. He lived EIGHT days a week and at least twelve lifetimes in one, it seems. During his final handful of years, he found his way back to his faith and developed extensive end-of-life plans and preparations.

In his own words, and in his gentle way of teaching, here’s part of Hoff’s heartfelt goodbye:

It has been a great ride and I appreciate the role that ALL of you have played in my life. I leave with deep feelings of gratitude. I have had a full life with a wide variety of wonderful experiences – and your support, participation, humor, and love has made the journey extremely fulfilling and enjoyable.

I hope that during this time of my “transition,” you have thoughts and feelings of celebration and fond memories. And, when I say transition I do not mean ending. What I mean is the flow to the next step in our continued relationship. This continuation may manifest itself through memories, or experiences, or some other expression form of energy/spirit. In other words, I am providing you the possibility of a future with continued time “together” in another form. I will be ready when you are.

I never go to sleep feeling that my work is done – my “to-do” list will probably never be completely finished, but I have tried to get to a place that it is “dayenu” – it is “enough.” The Jewish wisdom tradition teaches that “It is not necessary for us to finish the work, but neither are we released from the obligation to continue it.” The way that I see it is that “the process is as important as the destination.”

Every act of lovingkindness sends a ripple of light into the world. Every challenge is also an opportunity for growth. I feel that I can look back on my life, the happy times and the periods of grief or anxiety, and say, “this has all been part of a full life.”

Before leaving the ceremony, I gave Hoff’s wife the manuscript of a new picture book I intend to publish (to read when she returns home). Thankfully, I had shared a rough version with Hoff, as he was (indeed) the main inspiration, and this particular version had his edits and feedback in red throughout.

Unsurprisingly, as the universe winks in wondrous ways, the story (Ripple) is about grief and the setting is a celebration of life for “Uncle Hoff.”

Here’s to continuing the work.

Hoff’s life and legacy: https://www.hoffharmonica.com/end-of-life