As a doula, I’ve had the incomparable honor of being present at life’s beginnings and end. Either can (sometimes) be difficult. Both can (sometimes) be beautiful.
Recently, I was providing phone support to an adult son who was tending to his terminally-ill mother. It was an exhausting, emotional journey for them, as it can (often) be. On the night of her death, he sent me an update, which he generously gave me permission to share…
This evening, we wheeled my mom in her bed outside the building to be sung to by her own hometown choir. As we neared our final song, she passed away in the open air, carried by the wings of our voices. We are in awe of the beautiful moment she chose to leave her body under the full moon rising.
A circle of connection and comfort. Love fully expressed and embodied.
Your Goodbye Lullaby
It is believed that hearing is the very last sense to fade. Of course, there’s a notable difference between hearing and paying attention to consider. Yet even if our focus or consciousness might be concentrated elsewhere during active dying (such as a life review or spiritual experience, perhaps), it seems wise to assume we might, in fact, be listening and to plan for it—just in case.
What sounds do you imagine wanting to hear during your final weeks? Days? Minutes? Would you enjoy hearing people read to you or share memories? How about white noise, sounds from nature, or music?
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Some music thanatologists and threshold singers believe songs can soothe us during the time leading up to the vigil period, yet they theorize that familiar music might anchor us to our body when death is imminent, thus interrupting the process. For that reason, they suggest playing or singing unfamiliar songs during the final hours. You might ponder how this theory lands with you. Does it resonate?
If it appeals, make your own playlist for the end of life in the following exercise. This list says a lot about you. It reflects your taste in music, and it offers a stroll down memory lane if you choose to include songs from various eras.
Reflections
How was that to make your personal playlist? Did you decide to listen to any songs while building your set? Music can transport us—mentally and emotionally. It can bring us back to our past or send us some place in our imagination. It can shift our mood. You might be inclined to take this exercise a step further and actually create some playlists for yourself. Title each appropriately so your care circle knows when and how to use them. You might build a specific set for vigil and then have some other lists prepared to either bolster your mood or calm your nerves, depending on the situation.
Exercise excerpted from:
Francesca Lynn Arnoldy 